Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Well, with the holidays and traveling, I haven't been able to post much. I was very lucky this week in that I hadn't planned to return to NY until Tuesday, so I missed the blizzard. However, less you think I was spared the joy that is snow in NY...

Tuesday evening, I was dropped off at the house and waded through knee deep snow carrying a suitcase to get into the house. I was supposed to leave this morning for VA to spend NY with the boyfriend, however the wall of snow between me and my car had other plans. Throughout the day I managed to clear the walkway (now I can get mail!), the driveway and the mountain at the end of the driveway caused by snowplows. However, my darling neighbors had been kind enough to snowblow the sidewalk for me so that I didn't have to do that as well. My back is killing me, but at least I worked off any calories from the last day or so. I'll drive down to VA tomorrow.

Christmas was fun. I saw a lot of family, some of whom it had been a very long time since I last saw. Got to spend a lot of time with my parents and sister. Kellie and I always find a way to connect every visit and reaffirm our very special relationship. Personal favorite though was seeing my beautiful godchildren, who are growing like weeds. The eldest in 9 and brilliant. Her parents and I were commiserating on how her being 9 makes us all feel old. I realized she'll be 16 by the time I am done having children. The other is 5 and the sweetest child who ever walked the planet. During Gulliver's Travels (which was actually really funny), he cuddled under my arm and apparently cried when I left.

Last year I decided to write letters more often and have established a wonderful pen pal relationship with my paternal grandmother. Since I rarely see her (she lives in Cali), it's been a great way for our relationship to be stronger. This year, in addition to that, I want to start writing the kids. The boy won't be able to write his own letters back yet, but his parents will help I'm sure. And then they can have something tangible from me (other than books - they get a lot of books).

A funny note to end on. When my sister told her husband (who is in Iraq) about meeting my boyfriend at Thanksgiving, he grew suspicious and protective. Of me! He has 3 sisters, so he's used to worrying after them, but he had decided to expand that to include me. Of course, once he meets the bf, he'll fall in love with him like everyone else, but in the mean time, he's suspicious. It's adorable. Pretty sure I'm not supposed to call him adorable, but if he gets to be a protective brother, I get to be a doting sister.

Coping vs. Adapting

I am a Spoonie (See Spoon Theory and Butyoudontlooksick.com in my favorite links). The best part about being a Spoonie are the forums of others like me, who may have different issues or the same ones, who understand what I'm going through. When I finally got the Fibro diagnosis (no small feat), the Spoonies rejoiced about it because they understood what it's like to not know what's wrong and then finally have a word to describe it. It's amazing how helpful it is to be able to attach a word to symptoms. It's glorious. Second best thing to a cure.

Recently I read a great comment about coping vs. adapting. It was a response to a Spoonie who had been told by all the people close to her in her life (except her doctor) that it was "all in her head" and that she was "milking it". Harsh words, especially for someone who is sick. I didn't copy the comment because I didn't want to snag without permission, but my take is below.

The definition of coping (per dictionary.com) is to face or deal with responsibilities, problems or difficulties, esp. successfully or in a calm or adequate manner.

The definition of adapting is to adapt oneself to different conditions, enviroment, etc.

Coping is an important skill in life. It's how you deal with things that you might not yet be ready for. No one sees the struggle and the fight. Great if you're suddenly in a leadership position and people are looking to you for command or for reassurance.

Adapting is also very important because genetics and evolution has taught us that those species which adapt also survive.

However, if you're sick, they are a completely different set of skills.

Every person who is sick starts out learning to cope. To get through the day and then the next. To put one foot in front of another. To get through, get by. And that part about a calm or adequate manner is so important at first. It matters so much for people to not know - for the people who are your friends to think you're fine. It's vital. It means that you're not changed, really. You're the same person, just with this small thing that can be brushed away. It's just a word.

But eventually, at some point, you come to terms with being ill. You accept that it's part of you. It doesn't define you, but it's part of you and you must take it into account (Spoon Theory). It will be not brushed under the rug or ignored. And so you learn to live with it. You learn tricks and tips that become your new way of life. And while the world doesn't need to see your impairment, you start to allow those who are your friends in. You let them see that your good days aren't always as good as you say and that you have bad days. You have adapted.

However, this can lead to some just confusion among those who are brought up to speed in the adapting phase. They knew you had this illness, and that hasn't changed, so why are you suddenly acting ill? Why are you canceling plans and using your illness as an "excuse" when you never did before? It's easy to see why they wouldn't understand. Some of them won't and it is a test of relationships when the one who is sick finally adapts. But the distinction is important. It matters.

We do not question when someone who has been diabetic starts living the way they should to be healthy, asking them "are you sure you were diabetic before when you ate those donuts?" Why? Because we applaud that they're taking care of themselves. And yet it is so easy to look at someone who has started slowing down, resting more, respecting their own physical limits and say "You were sick before, nothing's changed, you're milking it." Because you can't see it and a lot of the time, you've never heard of it. Worse when the doctors aren't even sure what the diseases are - they have a name, but no origin, vague diagnostic criteria, very little treatment and no cure.

I was discharged from the Army because one of my NCOs couldn't understand a disease he couldn't see and couldn't be cured, but wasn't fatal. Our Spoonie above who had problems with those close to her....well, thankfully, her SO came around after some long talks. I could go on from friends and Spoonies who have lost jobs, friendships, relationships because someone couldn't be bothered to understand. I'm at the point where I'm tired of fighting it. If someone understands, or is willing to take the time to understand, golden. If not, they can move on. I don't have the spoons.

It's done!

It took until 4:30 this morning, but everything due for the semester is turned in. I have to do two finals on the 20th and 21st, but that is it. And I couldn't be happier.

This has been a rough semester. Research turned into a much bigger challenge than I expected, and while that's great, it's only by the grace of a phenomenal teacher that I am going to get through it. Biology and Logic have both been a huge struggle all semester, the former due to sheer amount of information and the latter due to a horrific teacher (brilliant mathematician, horrible teacher). But as long as my finals end up solid (not great, but solid) I'll make it through.

Since I don't need to be in NY, I'm going to spend the next week in Va Beach. It'll be nice to get away and I can study there just as well as I can here. And because the boyfriend is awesome, he's going to take care of Indy while I'm in Oklahoma for Christmas. Huzzah!

No surprise, after being up all night and the stress, today has been high pain and low productivity. I wanted to get the house clean today so I would have a nice clean house to come home to, but that's simply not going to happen at the level I wanted. It's hard sometimes to accept that I simply can't do everything I want to. So I'm trying to get things done to leave tomorrow, like laundry, and count everything else as bonus. Also really trying to get the Christmas cards finished and that damnable baby blanket complete.

So, yeah, busy busy.

More Santa

Further musings on Santa Claus have taken me into the realm of "how do you explain Santa to children?" I have finally cornered it for me, I think.

Santa is what brings that which you can not get otherwise. If your parents can afford to buy you gifts, you shouldn't expect gifts from Santa under the tree. But keep your eye open and see if you can't spot Santa's gift. It won't come wrapped and probably will lack a bow. But somewhere, there is a gift from Santa in your season. All you have to do is watch for it.

This, by the way, is also why we can't pin the bugger down. He doesn't go to every house on Christmas Eve, only those who need it. Too many children in the world to get that done, even with magic on his side. No, Santa works all season long to get everyone their gifts.

"And remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf."

I'm catching up on last night's Glee and found myself rather taken aback. Britney is becoming one of my favorite characters, in part because she delivers a killer one liner and in part because of her innocence...okay and because of her relationship with Artie. It's beautiful to watch. In last night's episode, which is the Christmas episode, Britney still believes in Santa Claus and Artie (along with a bunch of helpers) goes through a lot of effort to help her retain that belief.

Do you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus?

I don't.

I'm not sure if I ever stopped believing. I don't think that dude in the mall is Santa and I'm not entirely sure I'm down with the whole breaking-and-entering concept. But I think the magic is real and that the belief in Santa is more the belief in magical things.

Sue's story is, as usual, both surprising and entertaining. She brings me to tears when she and Becky have their "It's beautiful" moment. The fact that it follows the Grinch arch only makes it better - since I was a child, the two Christmas traditions that endure at my parent's is Luke 2 and the Grinch. It's not Christmas without it.

Also, the best song of the episode is Curt and Blaine doing "Baby It's Cold Outside". I picked it up on iTunes, really beautiful song.

Random Bits

It's cold! We're supposed to get snow tonight though I'm not sure if it will be around tomorrow. To combat the freezing basement (and my refusal to put the heat above 65), I made some hot buttered rum. I got the recipe from Epicurious and followed suggested modification of adding vanilla ice cream. YUM! Now I'm warm.

My battle with the school over getting GI Bill payments in a timely matter continues to be irritating. But hopefully we'll have an answer tomorrow and I can decide what to do. If they accommodate my request to process the requests at time of registration rather than waiting until after the add/drop period, my life gets much easier as I'll be able to expect my payments to be correct and on time. However, if they refuse to change their policy, I'm not sure what I'll do. I am considering transferring, which I hate to do because I really like the psych, science and math departments at my school. But the extra stress of late payments is really causing a problem. So we'll see.

Mostly, I'm ready for the semester to be over. I'm tired and having a hard time focusing on various things that are coming up due shortly. My Bio Lab Final was today, so I just have a few finals the week of the 20th and I'm done. I'll be traveling all month between Oklahoma and Va Beach, but both places allow me to relax, so I'm looking forward to it. Still deciding what to do with Indy during the Oklahoma portion of the traveling.

The Santa Clause and Christmases Past

I've watched The Santa Clause one and a half times tonight (I caught it halfway through the first time). This is one of those movies that my sister, father and I kinda wore out when it came out - watched it over and over. I can still recite most of the movie, it turns out.

The movie is cheesy, but so much fun. I actually like all three of them. Maybe it's Christmas movies. Somehow, Christmas always seems much less complicated in movies, doesn't it? Even when they tackle the stress of Christmas, it always works out. Of course, that's the point of movies. Happy endings to make life a little more fun and maybe provide hope.

As a kid, Christmas was kinda stressful. In California, there was always the going between Grandma and Grandpa's houses. You couldn't take presents from Grandpa's house into Grandma's because if she asked about the presents, you'd have to mention Grandpa which was verbotten. There were also trips up the mountain to my uncle's house. When we went to Oklahoma for Christmas (every other year or so), we drove so there was at least a day on either side of the trip and often stops along the way to see friends and family in Arizona. When we moved to Oklahoma, we had the same in reverse, though with added trips in California to see friends we had left behind.

It took a long time for me to find magic in Christmas again. I got a taste of it in Korea (of all things) when Brendan and I had a snowy Christmas walk through the base. It was beautiful, especially considering how much I disliked Korea. We had a great Christmas here in NY with my parents when they came to visit a few years ago. And the next year, Christmas was quiet, spent with friends working in a soup kitchen and then having a quiet soup at their house.

Those small moments have slowly been reclaiming Christmas in my view. Less something to dread and more and more something to be excited about. I'll be in Oklahoma this year - first time in a decade. And since my brother-in-law is in the sandbox, it will be me, my sister and my parents for the last time. In the future there are in-laws and kids and while those will be wonderful, this is the last time in this part of our lives. I'm really excited.

It's December!

So it's December and in NY we were greeted with a rain and windstorm that was impressive. Wind howled, rain poured and Indy hid his face in the blankets all day.

I picked up Christmas cards today. They're pretty, I like them. Over 70 to send out this year, so I'm hoping to get a good tackle on them once I'm caught up on school stuff. My research project isn't coming along as well as I want, so I'm hoping to get a little extension to collect data. Biology is moving along and, unexpectedly, I'm caught up in Logic. I'm just ready for this semester to be over.

Practical Magic has been on Oxygen tonight and I've watched it twice. I discovered this movie at DLI with my roommate, who remains one of my favorite people from the military even though we haven't spoken in quite awhile. It's the bond between sisters that I find so alluring. And it always impressed me that the sisters have red and brown hair. My mom is a red-head and her sister is a brunette, as are me and my sister when we haven't messed with nature. And I've always had a special relationship with my aunt so that relationship in the movie is enjoyable for me. Too, there's something magical about the relationships women form with each other and the movie highlights and magnifies those.

So, holidays are in full swing. I want to decorate a little, even though I won't be here most of the month. Not a lot of sense in getting a tree given that, but I can at least hang a wreath and maybe some lights. Ahh, Christmas...