Confessions of a Gleek

I am now officially caught up on Glee thanks to Kyle's Hulu Plus account. I know the show has lost its magic for some people, but it still speaks to me. The Santana/Brittney relationship continues to be beautiful to watch, especially seeing Santana deal with the very real reaction from her grandmother. But the story line that speaks to me the most is Emma's struggle with OCD. The show has done a really good job of addressing the struggles, stigmas and real challenges of mental illness though Emma's story, just as they have addressed other issues on the show. One of the things I like so much is that they didn't fix Emma with a pill and say it was fine. In the most recent episode, she refers to having good days and bad days, that it will always be that way and that it's simply part of her.

Emma is the character I relate to the most on Glee, and not just because of her red hair and Kate-Spade-meets-J-Crew fashion sense. While I don't have OCD, I do have PTSD and the battle with mental health is similar. There's the stigma not only with people in general but with yourself. Accepting that the diagnosis is part of who you are is a challenge that threatens your identity and can shake your security of who you are. Even once you come to terms with it, there are times when it feels like it controls your life, which generally only exacerbates the symptoms, leading to a spiral that can be hard to break. The moments of watching Emma really struggle with it, like the brief clip of her trying to stop herself from cleaning the coffee pot in "Yes/No" are the ones that resonate for me.

I think the show does a great job of balancing the humor of Emma's excessive cleaning (which is, in fact, funny) with the seriousness of what is behind it. It's made it easier to laugh at some of my own rather funny habits that are a manifestation of something more serious. They always say that being able to laugh at yourself is healthy and I've found that when I can do that, it's easier to have a good day.

Also, she has a killer wardrobe that I want very badly and would consider homicide as a matter of acquisition.

As a side note, I was preparing to post this and looked through my labels for the appropriate ones. I noticed that I had labels for fibromyalgia and medical, but not PTSD. I then realized that, despite my openness about my physical ailments, I've never talked about this. So, to be clear...I'm Jenn and I have PTSD. And now, I have a blog label for it too.

"And remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf."

I'm catching up on last night's Glee and found myself rather taken aback. Britney is becoming one of my favorite characters, in part because she delivers a killer one liner and in part because of her innocence...okay and because of her relationship with Artie. It's beautiful to watch. In last night's episode, which is the Christmas episode, Britney still believes in Santa Claus and Artie (along with a bunch of helpers) goes through a lot of effort to help her retain that belief.

Do you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus?

I don't.

I'm not sure if I ever stopped believing. I don't think that dude in the mall is Santa and I'm not entirely sure I'm down with the whole breaking-and-entering concept. But I think the magic is real and that the belief in Santa is more the belief in magical things.

Sue's story is, as usual, both surprising and entertaining. She brings me to tears when she and Becky have their "It's beautiful" moment. The fact that it follows the Grinch arch only makes it better - since I was a child, the two Christmas traditions that endure at my parent's is Luke 2 and the Grinch. It's not Christmas without it.

Also, the best song of the episode is Curt and Blaine doing "Baby It's Cold Outside". I picked it up on iTunes, really beautiful song.

"You can't punch the gay out of me anymore than I can punch the ignoramus out of you! "

No surprise for those who know me, but I love Glee. Musicals plus high school drama and really awesome characters = Love. Also no surprise, Kurt is my favorite character.

Kurt has had a pretty awesome arch. Last season was the coming out and his father's reactions, as well at the beginning of the problems with Finn. This season we've seen so much from the actor, who is the youngest in the cast. The bullying issues, his relationship with Finn developing, etc. Tonight's episode was amazing and painful. I wanted to hug him...and punch the other kid. Right in his scared, fat nose.

The bullying issues around the country aren't new, they're just getting coverage. I've had friends tell me about the nightmare of high school because they were known to be gay - or even just suspected of it before they came out themselves. After a strikingly similar episode of Queer as Folk, a friend cried to me about taking a baseball bat to the ribs. I spent my teenage years in a medium town in the Midwest, where you'd expect this kind of thing to be prevalent, but I was blissfully unaware if it was happening, with one exception. In high school, my best friend got thrown up against a wall and was being strangled when someone finally intervened. It was horrific, but literally the only episode like that I can recall.

Watching it on TV breaks my heart as much as hearing about it on the news or online. Kurt is a character, but the experiences are real. Chris Colfer, the actor, brings such a beautiful and horrific reality to the situation. I hope he's not gone from the show. I hope his transfer is temporary. I think he's too valuable as a character for them to lose. His story has been the most compelling one in this show.