Colorguard Mini-Reunion

When I was in high school, I was in colorguard my sophomore through senior year. I was captain my senior that, during which we had 16 new girls on a 21 girls squad. I grew very close to those girls during that year, starting the grueling summer schedule off with a sleepover at my house. I hope I made the schedule of fundraisers and summer training less painful by trying to develop an esprit de corps. It remains some of my fondest high school memories.

Today, we had a little mini-reunion with some of the girls. A few from later years came too, but I was the oldest and several my freshmen were there. They're wives, mothers, and professionals now, but they still look like they did then, at least to me. We met in a park, nothing fancy, and brought our own lunches. Some of the girls have remained friends. We talked about what happened after I left and they told me about the trial and tribulations (and oh, the drama!) that they suffered. It was a lot of fun.

One of the girls, who I distinctly recall suffering the most from our horrible uniform which created incredibly unflattering tan lines, sat down next to me shortly after she arrived with her adorable nine-month-old in tow. She told me that the opening sleepover had really been an awesome thing for her since she didn't know the other girls and was nervous, and that I had been a great leader. That was the first time that someone has told me that something I did in high school mattered to them. It was incredibly sweet.

While I was unsure about the entire thing to begin with, I have to say I had a fabulous time. I ended up spending the rest of the day with my godchildren and their mother, which included teaching my 11-year-old goddaughter the boxstep (in heels) and how to curtsy. Overall, a really enjoyable day, rather unexpectedly.

Time with Sister

Proof that Oklahoma has hills.

I spent today and yesterday with my sister, her son, and her husband at their house. They've got 10 acres and it's just beautiful out there. They've got a large creek and pond, which floods their pastureland, but their house is on a hill so they don't have to worry about it flooding their home. Lots of trees and space for them to have a large vegetable patch.

Once she finished work today, we went to the coffee shop, which is a really cool locally owned place that outlasted Starbucks (and also made the best chai latte I've ever had) and chatted. It was nice to get to talk and relax - and the little man was an angel. We talked about perceptions and how meeting people does amazing things to change that. For example, anyone who went to Basic Training at Ft. Sill knows that Oklahoma is not flat. The three counties of the panhandle are, but the rest of it is foothills, mountains (little ones, but still mountains), and lots and lots of water (the most man made coastline in the country). The dirt, however, is red and will stain your clothes. That's true.

We also talked about the idea that exposure reduces the harsh opinions of other groups. People are people, whether they be straight people, gay people, black people, white people...I explained the idea in the gay community that if everyone were to come out to their families, it would go a long way in reducing the hate that comes with the unknown. It's so much harder to hate all gays when that includes your child. That doesn't make it easy, certainly, and I understand the fears. But Kellie seemed to get the concept and we talked about gay marriage and such.

I remember when my sister asked me how it's possible for it to be okay to be gay. She was in high school, barely, and encountering the issue for the first time. What she wanted to know was how to reconcile it with the Bible. I set her up with a dear friend of mine who answered her questions, someone who was gay and had studied the issue. Living with me in DC, she got her first exposure to members of the community, rather than just individuals. And she came out of it with an incredibly mature understanding that people are people and you have to love all people, you can't pick and choose. It makes me so very proud of her.

The (tiny) Guilt of Not Breastfeeding

One of the truths to being me is that I can't carry a child through pregnancy. I don't mind, it was never something that was important to me. It is something incredibly important to my sister, who is healthy as a horse and had a relatively smooth first pregnancy and lightning fast labor (hour and a half - of which 20 minutes was in the car on the way to the hospital!). Basically, this isn't a problem, it's just life and I'm fine with it. I think of the upsides - I can have children while working on my PhD with less physical recovery time and  I will get to share the child-rearing experience with my husband from the same level of involvement and attachment, which is pretty awesome in my book.

Where I run into trouble is the ever-growing research on the benefits of breastfeeding children for their first 6 months (or longer). It's simply something I won't be able to provide - I won't be pregnant, therefore I won't have breast milk. I'm not concerned about the apparent emotional bonds and such and I know that there are perfectly healthy children who were never breastfed. But each time I come across an article or blog post about the benefits of breastfeeding, there's a brief twinge of guilt that it's just something I can't provide. It passes and I move on. Watching my sister breastfeed while we're hanging out does nothing to fuel a desire for the experience myself, but I do envy her that her child won't ever have formula (nor baby food, but that's different).

Nothing that my future children will be denied by not being breastfed is insurmountable and I know better than anyone that breastfeeding doesn't ensure a healthy life for your children (I was breastfed). But still, in our current climate, it's hard not to feel guilty, even briefly, for not being able to provide your child with what is considered, more and more, the foundation for a healthy life. 

This moment of guilt brought to you by Andrew Sullivan. Don't worry, Andrew, I don't blame you. You can't breastfeed either.

I admit, the winds do sweep down the plain...

We left New York Sunday night at 8 p.m. Around 4 a.m. on Tuesday, we pulled in to my parents' house in Shawnee. Loooooooong drive. Indy did great, managed to survive the entire drive despite my refusal to feed him and his tiny little space in the back seat (most of the back seat was luggage). Dalton also kicked butt. That little boy is not even 6 months old and he's traveled via car to New York and back. While teething. Kid's a pro. Well, more likely, he's an Eiland (no matter what his surname) since we are all champ travelers from infancy.

Since being here, I've inventoried my dad's shop, acquired about a dozen mosquito bites, remembered the joys of country living (specifically, naked hot tubbing in the middle of the day), and driven around town to see what has changed. I haven't lived here for 12 years, twice as long as I did live here, but it was nice to poke around the town. While driving downtown (we have a historic downtown that is both beautiful and depressing), the bat signal flashed from a window (seriously!) and I discovered that my town has a comic book shop. I went it, naturally, and they also sell used books. I found a bunch of Nora Roberts, which I will be acquiring, as well as a few gaming books I want to pick up. I will be back!

Mostly I've been decompressing. I'll start tackling my Honors Thesis next week as well as beginning to finalize arrangements for the next stage of moving, which happens in August. I have people to see. But right now, it's nice to relax (though it is weird living in my sister's old bedroom).

Learning From Our Elders

Today, my Grandma Jeanne called from California. She and I are pen pals and normally write letters. But today she called to say she got my most recent letter and that, though she knew it must have been hard, she was proud of me for walking away from something I didn't think was going to work and for trusting myself.

My grandmother has been married twice. The first time was to my grandfather, with whom she had four sons. He left when my dad was 14, leaving my grandmother with 4 sons between 7 and 14 to raise on her own. And she did, rather fantastically.

The second time was to a man I remember, but his name eludes me (that should say something). It was brief. I don't know the details since I was a child, but I know he was not a good man in the end.

For the last 20 years or so, my grandmother has been dating Roy. Roy is a good man. Grandma seems to like that he has his own house that she can send him to when he bothers her. They go camping and have joint parental custody of a German Shepherd named Sadie, and generally seem to enjoy each other a great deal. But it's clear to everyone that she has no desire to get married again.

Of her four sons, one of them is divorced. My Uncle Thomas' divorce was the example of a civil divorce and he and his wife, my Aunt Cindy, stay in close contact as they raise their two children. Thomas remarried a few years ago to a lovely woman who is now part of their - slightly odd - family.

I am the only divorced grandchild, but most of them are under 18 still, so there's time. Her parents were married forever.

Basically, my grandmother has a lot reasons not to trust marriage. But more than that, I think she is proud of me for not making a mistake she did - of knowing something was a bad idea and going through with it anyway. I think she wants me to get married (she loves great-grandbabies, having two already) and wants me to be happy and have a family, but she never wants me to suffer like she did.

My Grandma Claudia, who passed in December, was practically a saint. My sister and I said repeatedly during that time that she died without anyone being able to say a negative word about her. Grandma Jeanne is less of a saint...and I think I'm going to learn a lot more from her as an adult.

And the President Makes Me Proud

So today, President Obama officially supported same-sex marriage. I'm on his mailing list and received this message:

Jenn -- Today, I was asked a direct question and gave a direct answer: I believe that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry. I hope you'll take a moment to watch the conversation, consider it, and weigh in yourself on behalf of marriage equality: http://my.barackobama.com/Marriage I've always believed that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally. I was reluctant to use the term marriage because of the very powerful traditions it evokes. And I thought civil union laws that conferred legal rights upon gay and lesbian couples were a solution. But over the course of several years I've talked to friends and family about this. I've thought about members of my staff in long-term, committed, same-sex relationships who are raising kids together. Through our efforts to end the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, I've gotten to know some of the gay and lesbian troops who are serving our country with honor and distinction. What I've come to realize is that for loving, same-sex couples, the denial of marriage equality means that, in their eyes and the eyes of their children, they are still considered less than full citizens. Even at my own dinner table, when I look at Sasha and Malia, who have friends whose parents are same-sex couples, I know it wouldn't dawn on them that their friends' parents should be treated differently. So I decided it was time to affirm my personal belief that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry. I respect the beliefs of others, and the right of religious institutions to act in accordance with their own doctrines. But I believe that in the eyes of the law, all Americans should be treated equally. And where states enact same-sex marriage, no federal act should invalidate them.

I've been watching responses from bloggers and news outlets. I've heard responses from friends. Here's what I know - I've always supported same-sex marriage because it seems like a no brainer to me that all people who are citizens should be treated the same. I am incredibly proud of President Obama's stance. Even if it was a calculated political move (in which case I'm also impressed by the shrewdness), it's an important move. The presidency may not have the legal authority to make same-sex marriage legal, but the president's words mean a lot to this country, and in this case, a lot to a portion of this country who is currently in the struggle for what is a basic freedom taken for granted, and exploited and abused, by many.

Well done, Mr. President.

Saying Good-Bye to Psych of Violence

Today was my last Psychology of Violence class. We did our group presentations on historically significant acts of violence. Our group did the Attack on Pearl Harbor (which I titled "A Date That Will Live in Infamy") and I think it went very well. We had one member who didn't send in slides and I was late for class because he was emailing me asking me if he could send stuff in....20 minutes before class. He never sent me anything and I pointed out to him that he had plenty of time to speak up if he needed help. He also didn't show up to class until the very end. But I spoke to the professor, who is utterly reasonable, and she allowed us to just present without him without the loss of points.

One of the groups did the murders of Tupac and Biggie...and it was fantastic. They did a great job at both describing the series of events that led to the East Coast vs West Coast feud as well as detailing the effects that make the event historically significant. They talked about the atmosphere in LA at the time and how two unsolved, but very public, murders fed the existing problems with the LAPD and the potential government involvement. It was a really fascinating presentation.

Unfortunately, less fascinating was the group who did a collection of events, some which were less historically relevant. They used the Rodney King beatings (which is historically relevant) but they tried to tie it to Trayvon Martin and say that these were both examples of white cops beating up black people. The professor corrected them since the Trayvon situation wasn't a cop and the situation isn't unique, so it's not historically significant.

The other one I saw (I missed the first one) was on the VA Tech shooting. Fascinating stuff, especially considering that the shooter was apparently insane. The video he sent to the police was pure crazy talk. It was a cool way to end the class.

For those who are interested in some of the stuff that we discussed in this class, the professor has a youtube channel (which I think I've mentioned before). I'm not sure how long it will be active, but there's great stuff there if you want to check it out.