One of the truths to being me is that I can't carry a child through pregnancy. I don't mind, it was never something that was important to me. It is something incredibly important to my sister, who is healthy as a horse and had a relatively smooth first pregnancy and lightning fast labor (hour and a half - of which 20 minutes was in the car on the way to the hospital!). Basically, this isn't a problem, it's just life and I'm fine with it. I think of the upsides - I can have children while working on my PhD with less physical recovery time and I will get to share the child-rearing experience with my husband from the same level of involvement and attachment, which is pretty awesome in my book.
Where I run into trouble is the ever-growing research on the benefits of breastfeeding children for their first 6 months (or longer). It's simply something I won't be able to provide - I won't be pregnant, therefore I won't have breast milk. I'm not concerned about the apparent emotional bonds and such and I know that there are perfectly healthy children who were never breastfed. But each time I come across an article or blog post about the benefits of breastfeeding, there's a brief twinge of guilt that it's just something I can't provide. It passes and I move on. Watching my sister breastfeed while we're hanging out does nothing to fuel a desire for the experience myself, but I do envy her that her child won't ever have formula (nor baby food, but that's different).
Nothing that my future children will be denied by not being breastfed is insurmountable and I know better than anyone that breastfeeding doesn't ensure a healthy life for your children (I was breastfed). But still, in our current climate, it's hard not to feel guilty, even briefly, for not being able to provide your child with what is considered, more and more, the foundation for a healthy life.
This moment of guilt brought to you by Andrew Sullivan. Don't worry, Andrew, I don't blame you. You can't breastfeed either.
Actually you can take stuff to cause your body to lactate, so you actually CAN breastfeed.
ReplyDeleteAs much as the research supports it more and more, the pressures to be a "good" mom and breastfeed can be so overwhelming it can cause people who can do it to not for fear of failure.
ReplyDeleteThere are ways around it if you really want your children to have breatmilk, but you should never have any cause or reason to feel guilty about not being able to do it, or chosing not to take the massive hormones required to be able to make milk. It is a choice, and while it is beneficial, it isn't a requirement for a healthy life.