Grandma died around 5 a.m. on 12/27. As I had suspected, Death was a friend and she slipped away quietly and without fanfare. I like to think that Grandpa was waiting for her and I did ask her to put in a good word should she see him since we never met. The funeral and burial is on Thursday.
My version of my grandmother's obituary would look something like this:
Claudia Marie Ammons nee Cowan was born in Jay, Oklahoma in 1924 to a spirited woman. Due to her father being a bit of a louse, Claudia's mother took her to live with her parents and went to work to provide for her child. She remarried and proceeded to have several more children, most of whom were adults before they were aware that their eldest sister had a different father. During WWII, Claudia worked in a factory building planes, where she met the love of her life, George M. Ammons (1916-1979). They married on Christmas Day 1947 and attended college together at Oklahoma Baptist University. They later adopted a son, Randy, and had two daughters, Trisha and Georgianna. Claudia followed George to California to take a position as minister at the First Baptist Church of Fontana, where they would remain until he died. Claudia worked as church secretary while raising their children.
Following the unexpected death of her husband, Claudia moved to Shawnee, Oklahoma where she and George had bought a house and planned to retire. She worked as preschool teacher for Immanual Baptist Church, where she taught a generation of children who would always speak of her fondly. Being a small woman, she had trouble changing her light bulbs, but found help in the nice Jehovah's Witness boys who came to her door. She worked to convert them as they assisted her. She never sat jury duty because she was certain the accused had some good reason for their crime.
Claudia passed away suddenly on December 27th. She is survived by three children who adore her and their spouses who are grateful for such a warm mother-in-law, as well as 7 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren, all of whom she held in her arms as babies (including the one who was just born). She is also survived her sister-in-law (and oft partner in crime) Ina and her own sister Betty, who with her husband Curtis also has many children and grandchildren who think of "Aunt Claudia" as a rare breed of woman that each of us could only hope to try to be like. Finally, she is survived by scores of church goers, community members, children now grown and random strangers who have been touched by her life in a positive way. She does not leave behind those who might speak poorly of her, because no such people exist. She approached each day with love and gentleness, and left behind a more loved and gentle world.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The Disillusionment of Us
On Thursday night, late, Grandma fell. It happens often since her knees and ankles are distorted. However, this fall was different. This fall led Grandma to say the words no one ever expected to hear from her lips: "I think I need to go to the emergency room."
In our family, we have a long history of medical stubbornness. My sister went into labor and went back to sleep. My mother's tumors had grown to the size of golf balls before she had them looked at (benign, by the way, this was over a decade ago). But no one in my family refuses to admit when she's in pain quite like my diminutive, pleasant grandmother. She had a stroke and didn't bother to tell us. But she has conceded to the use of the life alert system since, when she falls, standing back up is nearly impossible for her to do without help.
So, Aunt Trisha took Grandma to the emergency room. The pain was reportedly pretty terrible (Grandma rated it a 10, which is also astounding given her default answer is "oh, it's not bad") and the ambulance techs said they suspected a broken hip. The doctors at the local hospital confirmed, but said they didn't have an orthopedic surgeon n call and transferred her to OKC. By this time, Grandma was on morphine and assuring everyone that she'd be out of the hospital by the next morning. Being funny on drugs is also a family trait.
They scheduled surgery for a partial hip replacement at 7 Christmas Eve morning. We were all there to see her before she went in, then camped out in the waiting room to await the surgeon. Per usual, talk centered around books and psychology. The surgeon said everything went really well and most of us departed. Notes back from the family member on shift was very positive on Saturday...she was doing very well, lucid and active, other than being in pain from the surgery.
Christmas Day was another story. Grandma didn't recognize Aunt Trisha when she relieved Mom that morning. She needed a blood transfusion, but the surgeon said that was the case in 30% of cases and normal. They hoped the confusion would clear with the transfusion. No such luck.
On Monday morning, my parents woke me and said that they were leaving for the hospital immediately - Aunt Trisha had called and Grandma had taken a sharp turn for the worse. She suffered multiple massive heart attacks and slipped into a coma. By noon, Mom called to say that we needed to come to the hospital. She had 20% heart function and the doctor's had given her a 15% chance of making it through the night. Kellie and I packed up things for a lengthy hospital visit and joined our family in the city. One of her lungs collapsed while we were en route.
Mom and Aunt Trisha finally signed a DNR, which I felt was the right thing to do. After that, we all took turns rotating in an out. The nurses were very kind and let us ignore the visiting hours and the 2 person rule since neither my Mom or Aunt had any intention of leaving her side. The rest of us took turns reading Grandma the Bible (I had grabbed her husband's preaching Bible before I left the house), especially passages of joy and strength, holding her hand, telling our very sweet nurse stories about Grandma and camping out in the waiting room. My Dad can't handle hospitals and became the waiting room base commander. My great-aunt (my grandma's only living sibling) and her husband brought over good because in the South, we mourn through food. All 4 of their children (and their families) were in for the holidays, which hasn't happened since they all reached adulthood. They all went in to see "Aunt Claudia".
My Uncle Randy, Grandma's oldest son, as well as his wife and daughter hopped in the car and began driving from California. They gave their blessing to do what needed to be done, even if they didn't make it in time to say goodbye. My uncle is a firefighter and actually knows more about the medical side than anyone else in the family. He doesn't want her to suffer.
At this point they've weaned her off the epinephrine and it's a matter of time. Neither my mother or aunt will leave her side until it happens, despite each encouraging the other to get some rest. Kellie and Brandon have taken the baby home to rest and will be back with breakfast in a few hours unless we call them with news before then. Randy, Oksana and Liza will be here around 1 pm. Maybe she'll hold on long enough to say goodbye to her son. But even if she doesn't, she'll go knowing she was loved and that she made a difference in the lives of all those she knew.
It's the rest of the family I'm worried about. We have been lulled into a comfortable false belief that Grandma will live forever. She has outlived her own mother by over 10 years, as well as all but one of her siblings and one of her husband's siblings (and that's saying something - there were 18 of them in all!). But now we've been sharply forced into reality, into the world where, no matter how kind the person, time will eventually win. Death is part of life and you can't cover your eyes and say "I disbelieve". You can mourn the loss of their presence in your life, but to mourn the death of a woman who has had a long, full, joyful life and would remain in pain should she wake up is spiteful and selfish.
Grandma has always been a friend to everyone. I expect, in return, Death will be a friend to her and take her peacefully and without fight.
In our family, we have a long history of medical stubbornness. My sister went into labor and went back to sleep. My mother's tumors had grown to the size of golf balls before she had them looked at (benign, by the way, this was over a decade ago). But no one in my family refuses to admit when she's in pain quite like my diminutive, pleasant grandmother. She had a stroke and didn't bother to tell us. But she has conceded to the use of the life alert system since, when she falls, standing back up is nearly impossible for her to do without help.
So, Aunt Trisha took Grandma to the emergency room. The pain was reportedly pretty terrible (Grandma rated it a 10, which is also astounding given her default answer is "oh, it's not bad") and the ambulance techs said they suspected a broken hip. The doctors at the local hospital confirmed, but said they didn't have an orthopedic surgeon n call and transferred her to OKC. By this time, Grandma was on morphine and assuring everyone that she'd be out of the hospital by the next morning. Being funny on drugs is also a family trait.
They scheduled surgery for a partial hip replacement at 7 Christmas Eve morning. We were all there to see her before she went in, then camped out in the waiting room to await the surgeon. Per usual, talk centered around books and psychology. The surgeon said everything went really well and most of us departed. Notes back from the family member on shift was very positive on Saturday...she was doing very well, lucid and active, other than being in pain from the surgery.
Christmas Day was another story. Grandma didn't recognize Aunt Trisha when she relieved Mom that morning. She needed a blood transfusion, but the surgeon said that was the case in 30% of cases and normal. They hoped the confusion would clear with the transfusion. No such luck.
On Monday morning, my parents woke me and said that they were leaving for the hospital immediately - Aunt Trisha had called and Grandma had taken a sharp turn for the worse. She suffered multiple massive heart attacks and slipped into a coma. By noon, Mom called to say that we needed to come to the hospital. She had 20% heart function and the doctor's had given her a 15% chance of making it through the night. Kellie and I packed up things for a lengthy hospital visit and joined our family in the city. One of her lungs collapsed while we were en route.
Mom and Aunt Trisha finally signed a DNR, which I felt was the right thing to do. After that, we all took turns rotating in an out. The nurses were very kind and let us ignore the visiting hours and the 2 person rule since neither my Mom or Aunt had any intention of leaving her side. The rest of us took turns reading Grandma the Bible (I had grabbed her husband's preaching Bible before I left the house), especially passages of joy and strength, holding her hand, telling our very sweet nurse stories about Grandma and camping out in the waiting room. My Dad can't handle hospitals and became the waiting room base commander. My great-aunt (my grandma's only living sibling) and her husband brought over good because in the South, we mourn through food. All 4 of their children (and their families) were in for the holidays, which hasn't happened since they all reached adulthood. They all went in to see "Aunt Claudia".
My Uncle Randy, Grandma's oldest son, as well as his wife and daughter hopped in the car and began driving from California. They gave their blessing to do what needed to be done, even if they didn't make it in time to say goodbye. My uncle is a firefighter and actually knows more about the medical side than anyone else in the family. He doesn't want her to suffer.
At this point they've weaned her off the epinephrine and it's a matter of time. Neither my mother or aunt will leave her side until it happens, despite each encouraging the other to get some rest. Kellie and Brandon have taken the baby home to rest and will be back with breakfast in a few hours unless we call them with news before then. Randy, Oksana and Liza will be here around 1 pm. Maybe she'll hold on long enough to say goodbye to her son. But even if she doesn't, she'll go knowing she was loved and that she made a difference in the lives of all those she knew.
It's the rest of the family I'm worried about. We have been lulled into a comfortable false belief that Grandma will live forever. She has outlived her own mother by over 10 years, as well as all but one of her siblings and one of her husband's siblings (and that's saying something - there were 18 of them in all!). But now we've been sharply forced into reality, into the world where, no matter how kind the person, time will eventually win. Death is part of life and you can't cover your eyes and say "I disbelieve". You can mourn the loss of their presence in your life, but to mourn the death of a woman who has had a long, full, joyful life and would remain in pain should she wake up is spiteful and selfish.
Grandma has always been a friend to everyone. I expect, in return, Death will be a friend to her and take her peacefully and without fight.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
One final down...
First final, and the most difficult, is done. I did fine, though I made some small mistakes that irritate me because I know better (the definition of a rational number is m/n, hello!), but it's over. I'll probably pull a B in the class and call it good. Takes out my chance of Dean's List this semester, but senioritis is strong enough that I just don't care.
Thursday is my other final. I'm not worried - I'll review on Wednesday night and it'll go fine. I do well in that class even when I don't study. Abnormal Human Behavior...fun stuff!
However between now and then I have two papers to write. I'm irritable about both of them, so I'm procrastinating (which is the norm for me) but I always turn them in on time.
But then...10 days off before the winter session starts!
Thursday is my other final. I'm not worried - I'll review on Wednesday night and it'll go fine. I do well in that class even when I don't study. Abnormal Human Behavior...fun stuff!
However between now and then I have two papers to write. I'm irritable about both of them, so I'm procrastinating (which is the norm for me) but I always turn them in on time.
But then...10 days off before the winter session starts!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Baby Wright
This beautiful child is the most recent addition to our family. He doesn't have a name yet (they're working on it), but he and his mama are doing great. He's 7lb 5oz and 21 inches long. He totally looks like an alien, but Kellie assured me he will get cuter. ;) I asked her to tell him not to grow until I get there so I can hold this tiny little bundle of adorable. And of course, this picture made me recall one of the best quotes from the West Wing:
"I didn't realize babies come with hats. You guys crack me up. You don't have jobs. You can't walk or speak the language. You don't have a dollar in your pockets but you got yourselves a hat so everything's fine."
That's my nephew. He doesn't have a name, but he has a hat. So everything is fine.
Update: His name is Dalton Glenn Wright. Fabulous.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Emily Post's Etiquette
I would very much like to own a copy of every edition of Emily Post's Etiquette. The 18th just became available (it's on my Amazon wishlist should anyone be inclined) and I own the 17th already. I'm working up a list of all the editions and starting the process of tracking them down. One edition (from the early 50's) was available for sale (for $1!) at my school's library, so I have that one. It's been fun to read through.
Below is a list of all the editions and their status in my collection. "ebay" means they've been bid on in ebay and are pending. "amazon" means they're on my wishlist on Amazon.com. I'll update it as I get information and as my collection grows. The thing I like about this collection is that it has a very finite amount of items, though I know that 1922 edition is going to be a bear. Information directing me towards any of the missing ones is greatly appreciated on my quest! The goal is actual copies, not reprints or digital and, eventually, first printings.
- 1st Edition (1922)
- 2nd Edition (1927)
- 3rd Edition (1931)
- 4th Edition (1934) - own (my grandmother's copy, which I'll get sometime in the future)
- 5th Edition (1937)
- 6th Edition (1940)
- 7th Edition (1942) - own (5th printing)
- 8th Edition (1945) - own (2nd printing)
- 9th Edition (1950) - own (84th printing)
- 10th Edition (1955) - own (89th printing)
- 11th Edition (1965) - own (98th printing)
- 12th Edition (1975) - own (4th printing)
- 13th Edition
- 14th Edition (1984) - amazon
- 15th Edition (1992) - own (8th printing)
- 16th Edition (1997) - own (1st printing)
- 17th Edition (2004) - own (4th printing)
- 18th Edition (2011) - own
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