I Used to be Fat...and other absurdities

There are some reality TV shows I have a hard time clicking past. Like a car crash, I'm drawn to them. Hoarders is one of those shows...it makes me want to clean. My need for order kicks in and I can't understand how people live like that.

Shows about people losing weight are another. I cheer for them, especially the ones about teenagers. I get angry at the slackers and self destructive behaviors. But more than anything, I've been amazed by some of the families. Some of them are as hard on the kids as their trainers, really pushing them to succeed and making large changes in the family lifestyle as well. I want to hug those parents. But some of them are so negative. They eat fast food in front of their kids who are trying desperately to change their lives. Discouraging their kids by disparaging their progress. Those parents I want to slap. Kids are a product of their environment. We have an obesity epidemic in our country among kids because they learn to be lazy and eat poorly from their parents. Those kids become adults who have kids and perpetuate the cycle.

My best friend and I have often talked about our wildly different upbringing and how that has effected our adult lives. I learned from an early age to regard fruits and vegetables as snacks. We had salad at every dinner and my sister and I ate it liberally. Even when there were cookies in the house, mom made them and they were out of site - never snacks, only dessert. More often, though, dessert was strawberries or some such. My friend, however, grew up making her own food decisions usually since her mom was in school at night, trying to make a better life for them. When her mom did cook, she made a lot of pasta and not much in the vegetable arena. She has fought being heavy her entire life and finally took matters into her own hands and lost 70 lbs by overhauling her eating habits. 

Parents have a responsibility to their children to teach them how to be healthy. The fact that we just ignore that as a society is disheartening. Letting children do other things that will kill them would be a huge problem, but we can't tell parents to fix their children's eating habits. Absurd.

Getting Poked

Today I went to the doctor and had my rheumo followup. I like my rheumotologist. In addition to having a great bedside manner and being pleasant to talk to, he's very attractive. If I wasn't off the market...

Anyway! So we talked and decided to double my dosage of Cymbalta since I'm currently on a half dosage. We looked at some of my old films and he showed me the really cool films of my veins being illuminated. He went and got the attending, who is a small man that I don't particularly like, mostly because his suits don't fit him correctly and he has a weak handshake. He poked at me (they do that a lot in rheumotology) and then felt my glands. He wants me to go for a thyroid ultrasound. He said it's only a 50/50 shot that he's correct (isn't there always) but that he wants to check for Hashimoto's. Once he left, I grilled my doc about it and promised I don't get crazy about diseases I haven't been diagnosed with yet. He and I had a giggle over the fact that there's a category under the ultrasound menu called "Small Parts" and then again when we found thyroid under it.

I might be the only person in the world hoping to have an autoimmune disease. It would mean one pill a day instead of 3 and seems to cover a lot of symptoms. So we'll see what the ultrasound says.

A Girl's Life

A few weeks ago, a girl in the Honors College came to me and asked for advice. I didn't really know her, but I stepped outside with her. She asked me if I knew anything about abortions. Oye.

So we sat outside and I let her tell me what was going on. She was several months along and had originally wanted to keep the baby, but now she wasn't sure. So I explained her options (keeping it, abortion, adoption) and talked her through the pros and cons to all of them. She is certain her religious Asian parents wouldn't let her stay in the house if they knew she was pregnant. I stressed to her that, whatever decision she made, she should make it for her since she would have to live with it for the rest of her life. She expressed her concern with God's opinion of her actions, which I told her was between her and God...and no one else.

She decided to get an abortion. Because she was so far along, she needed the two day procedure. I offered the house if she couldn't go home, but she was alright. We talked after it was all done and she said she felt okay...she expected to be in more pain and was disquieted, but she was doing better than she thought she would. She said her boyfriend had been with her and took her home since he had to get back to him mom. She was drinking hot chocolate and watching a movie. She thanked me for my impartiality and for being so calm and helpful and said she'd take me out for coffee. Sweet girl.

Today I get a call and a text from her in a panic. Her "boyfriend" had been openly cheating on her. Once they did her followup appointment to make sure she was okay, he dumped her...the same day. He hasn't paid for half of the procedure like he said he would and is being openly an asshole. She's angry and very depressed. She also wants revenge. I told her to put revenge aside for a moment and to go to the student counseling center. I told her not to leave until she had an appointment with a counselor or therapist. I reminded her that her first priority had to be getting herself okay and she could deal with him later.

This girl breaks my heart on so many levels. She couldn't talk to her family, she is terrified that God hates her or will punish her, that she won't be able to have kids later on, that she might ruin her life and now she's dealing with an asshole of a boyfriend of five years. She's depressed and confused and lacks a support network to really help her. I hope she follows through with the counseling. This might go down as one of the most difficult times in her life, but it just might give her an opportunity to find her own strength.

At least I hope so.

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day. It's my holiday. My own holiday.

I texted a bunch of my friends who were veterans. The really close ones. They understand.

And now, I'm having a glass of wine and thinking about the ones who aren't here. Veteran's Day is for the living. It's the holiday where we think about those who are still with us. But still, I think about those who should be here, who should be among the living, but never got to be veterans. Who never got to celebrate this holiday as their own. It was never theirs.

A School Development

After all that work, I dropped Bio.

It was a horrible decision to have to make. I love the class. I love the lecture and I love that we're getting into the vertebrate physiology that I enjoy so much. But I'm behind and the stress of keeping up with that class is starting to hurt my other classes. I love science, but I can't risk my major and minor for it.

So I spoke to the professor. He said he understood. He said that sometimes you can't do everything you want to do when you want to do it. He also pointed out that graduate work in psychology can include more science, so I might get a chance to get back into a lab before it's all done. He was very comforting.

I filled out the forms to drop the class, change my major from a BS to a BA and declare my minor. While I'm very sad to have to do it, I already feel better. I feel more relaxed...I know I made the right decision. The biggest thing I had to conquer to do it was my pride. I like the feeling of being in science, of being able to do it. I will admit that I like that I can do it and there are others who can't. In psych, I so often look at my classmates and bemoan that they will get the same degree as me. I know I'm smarter and I want the world to know too. That BS in front of my degree makes me feel like the world knows. 

Well...now the math minor will have to be the way for the world to know. How many psychologists can say they conquered calculus and know the formula for the Fibonacci sequence?