Relationship Role Models

So I mentioned in yesterday's post the relationships that I admire. I think relationship role models are important. They give you an idea of what you're looking for, of what it takes to make that happen. They create a realistic expectation. An example:

My primary relationship role model is my parents' marriage of 35 years. Before I knew what it entailed, it set some unrealistic expectations. They got married as kids (they were 17 and 20) and have stuck together this long and raised two kids. It's part of why I got married the first time - I thought that, at 20, I was losing time. Double that when I think that my mother's oldest child (me) was 9 when she was my age. I have felt behind.

But what they taught me, my parents, is the value of fighting for it. That sometimes, one person does the majority of the lifting while the other person coasts, and that it will even out in the end. They had a rough go of it, in part because they were children when they got married and hurt each other a lot without knowing it. But at some point they decided that they were going to fix it, and they did. They let my sister and I see how hard it was, but that it was worth it. Because if it's not worth fighting for, it's not worth the time.

I try to imagine how hard it would be to not have that example growing up. I saw it everyday of my life, so I know it's hard, but that it's worth it. But if you grew up not going that, not seeing that...how do you know what you're supposed to do, how good it can be? Who do you look to for advice? If you're lucky, there are others in your life who can demonstrate that for you. How can someone create a somewhat realistic expectation of a relationship if they don't know what one is supposed to look like? They might look elsewhere, develop the mentality that it's not possible, or create unrealistic expectations. If your only example is what you read in books or see in movies...how do you know?

I have often said that I'm lucky to have been raised the way I was. Lately, that's been more apparent than usual. And I'm thankful for it, despite the problems it can cause.