Independence vs Relationships

So as I've been watching my way through Scrubs, I came across Season 8, episode 9, "My Absence". A patient whose husband of 50 years had recently died passes away and Kelso comments that it was probably because she lost her soul mate. Elliot says she hopes she would have more going on in her life if it was her, though she later bemoans that she's no longer a strong or independent woman because she's miserable with JD out of town (hence of the title of the episode).

Why do we do that? Why we do associate being strong and independent women with being unwilling to put life on hold for someone else, or to wait for what someone else needs?

I've spent most of my adult life in relationships, including one marriage and one engagement (they are not related). I have also spent a lot of it working through the ins and outs - what I want in a relationship, where my stick points are, etc. And I've come to the understanding that I am a strong and independent woman. One thing everyone in my life knows about me is that, no matter what happens in a given situation, I will be fine. I am incredibly resilient. But I am also willing to put aside what I want in the name of what someone else who I care about needs.

I wasn't always able to do that. I'm good at short term care taking, especially physical things. But putting aside my own long term wants and desires for someone else is not my specialty. I think I saw it as weak, a special blend of feminist and military mindsets, and a fear of losing myself in someone else. But as I've gotten past the age where I care so much about those kinds of things, I've realized that the relationships that I admire all have a sense of sacrifice to them. They are the people who are willing to put aside the 'me' for the 'us'...and who do that by recognizing that sometimes, making the 'us' better means fostering the other side. There has to be faith that it will be reciprocated if the time comes, that when my career or my goals are at stake, the partner will sacrifice in return.

That faith is the hard part. It's much harder than love. But if achieved, it bolsters a love that is so much better than the quick and easy (and inherently selfish) love without sacrifice. At least, that's what I'm told.