Colorguard Mini-Reunion

When I was in high school, I was in colorguard my sophomore through senior year. I was captain my senior that, during which we had 16 new girls on a 21 girls squad. I grew very close to those girls during that year, starting the grueling summer schedule off with a sleepover at my house. I hope I made the schedule of fundraisers and summer training less painful by trying to develop an esprit de corps. It remains some of my fondest high school memories.

Today, we had a little mini-reunion with some of the girls. A few from later years came too, but I was the oldest and several my freshmen were there. They're wives, mothers, and professionals now, but they still look like they did then, at least to me. We met in a park, nothing fancy, and brought our own lunches. Some of the girls have remained friends. We talked about what happened after I left and they told me about the trial and tribulations (and oh, the drama!) that they suffered. It was a lot of fun.

One of the girls, who I distinctly recall suffering the most from our horrible uniform which created incredibly unflattering tan lines, sat down next to me shortly after she arrived with her adorable nine-month-old in tow. She told me that the opening sleepover had really been an awesome thing for her since she didn't know the other girls and was nervous, and that I had been a great leader. That was the first time that someone has told me that something I did in high school mattered to them. It was incredibly sweet.

While I was unsure about the entire thing to begin with, I have to say I had a fabulous time. I ended up spending the rest of the day with my godchildren and their mother, which included teaching my 11-year-old goddaughter the boxstep (in heels) and how to curtsy. Overall, a really enjoyable day, rather unexpectedly.

Time with Sister

Proof that Oklahoma has hills.

I spent today and yesterday with my sister, her son, and her husband at their house. They've got 10 acres and it's just beautiful out there. They've got a large creek and pond, which floods their pastureland, but their house is on a hill so they don't have to worry about it flooding their home. Lots of trees and space for them to have a large vegetable patch.

Once she finished work today, we went to the coffee shop, which is a really cool locally owned place that outlasted Starbucks (and also made the best chai latte I've ever had) and chatted. It was nice to get to talk and relax - and the little man was an angel. We talked about perceptions and how meeting people does amazing things to change that. For example, anyone who went to Basic Training at Ft. Sill knows that Oklahoma is not flat. The three counties of the panhandle are, but the rest of it is foothills, mountains (little ones, but still mountains), and lots and lots of water (the most man made coastline in the country). The dirt, however, is red and will stain your clothes. That's true.

We also talked about the idea that exposure reduces the harsh opinions of other groups. People are people, whether they be straight people, gay people, black people, white people...I explained the idea in the gay community that if everyone were to come out to their families, it would go a long way in reducing the hate that comes with the unknown. It's so much harder to hate all gays when that includes your child. That doesn't make it easy, certainly, and I understand the fears. But Kellie seemed to get the concept and we talked about gay marriage and such.

I remember when my sister asked me how it's possible for it to be okay to be gay. She was in high school, barely, and encountering the issue for the first time. What she wanted to know was how to reconcile it with the Bible. I set her up with a dear friend of mine who answered her questions, someone who was gay and had studied the issue. Living with me in DC, she got her first exposure to members of the community, rather than just individuals. And she came out of it with an incredibly mature understanding that people are people and you have to love all people, you can't pick and choose. It makes me so very proud of her.

The (tiny) Guilt of Not Breastfeeding

One of the truths to being me is that I can't carry a child through pregnancy. I don't mind, it was never something that was important to me. It is something incredibly important to my sister, who is healthy as a horse and had a relatively smooth first pregnancy and lightning fast labor (hour and a half - of which 20 minutes was in the car on the way to the hospital!). Basically, this isn't a problem, it's just life and I'm fine with it. I think of the upsides - I can have children while working on my PhD with less physical recovery time and  I will get to share the child-rearing experience with my husband from the same level of involvement and attachment, which is pretty awesome in my book.

Where I run into trouble is the ever-growing research on the benefits of breastfeeding children for their first 6 months (or longer). It's simply something I won't be able to provide - I won't be pregnant, therefore I won't have breast milk. I'm not concerned about the apparent emotional bonds and such and I know that there are perfectly healthy children who were never breastfed. But each time I come across an article or blog post about the benefits of breastfeeding, there's a brief twinge of guilt that it's just something I can't provide. It passes and I move on. Watching my sister breastfeed while we're hanging out does nothing to fuel a desire for the experience myself, but I do envy her that her child won't ever have formula (nor baby food, but that's different).

Nothing that my future children will be denied by not being breastfed is insurmountable and I know better than anyone that breastfeeding doesn't ensure a healthy life for your children (I was breastfed). But still, in our current climate, it's hard not to feel guilty, even briefly, for not being able to provide your child with what is considered, more and more, the foundation for a healthy life. 

This moment of guilt brought to you by Andrew Sullivan. Don't worry, Andrew, I don't blame you. You can't breastfeed either.