Changing Your Perspective

Thanks to a combination of family, the Army, and life, I have now lived in California, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Korea, Maryland, Virginia, and New York. I'm about to add another state and check off Mountain Time, but that's 6 states and 2 countries, covering 4 time zones.

Not only has this assured that I can pack incredibly well when motivated, but it means I've seen a lot of ways of life. My sister's marriage gave me access to another way of life I was distantly but not directly exposed to - the rural upbringing of her husband. I know beach bums on both sides of the country (they're different based on which ocean they worship), farmers, city girls...I love having access to so many perspectives, even though I know I couldn't live many of those lives.

I get frustrated with people who never force themselves to see other perspectives. The military is great for that. My brother-in-law, whom I adore, had never met a black person before he joined the Air Force. He saw the ocean for the first time dating my sister and all sorts of new experiences while serving two Iraq deployments. He was able to make decisions about the kind of life he wanted, both in the ways it would be similar to his own and the ways it would be different, based on the fact that he had seen something other than the rural, somewhat secluded upbringing of southeastern Oklahoma.

There are ways other than the military, if you're brave enough to try them. After my sister, who spent most of her life in Oklahoma, graduated from high school, she chose to move to the DC area and live with one of my dearest friends. For a year, she associated with a variety of people she hadn't accessed before - people who lived differently and believed differently than she had been raised to live and believe. She made the choice to return to Oklahoma and raise her family here, but not because it was her only choice, but be cause it was the one she wanted to make based on having seen, and understood, another point of view. She's considerably more open to others and interested in their views because of the time she spent in another area.

Less you think this is a problem constrained to the middle of the country, it is one I saw in New York over and over. People who had never lived, or even extensively visited, other areas of the country, other ways of living, but are so quick to dismiss it as a possibility. They scoff at the "flyover states" without ever considering that there might be something there for them, even if it's only another perspective. How can you say, definitively, that X is what you want when you've never seen Y? There's a perspective that I heard again and again in the northeast (and other areas, but it's overt in the northeast) about where they live and that nowhere could be as good. So many wear it as a badge of superiority, but I always thought it was sad when it came from people who never ventured out of the area. Are you so scared to push your own opinions that you have to dismiss others?

Having been so lucky as to see much of the country and some of the world (though so much more remains on my "to visit" list in both categories), I am now looking to settle and establish roots. I have a clear picture of the life I want to have and how I want to live, based on getting to try on a few options both directly and vicariously through others. I can't imagine making those decision based on a lack of choice, rather than an abundance of it. My best friend is taking her first big step towards her life goals. She mentioned she's scared and I told her that I like to think of fear as your body saying "Pay attention!" rather than "Don't!". She doesn't have to run towards like I do (I admit to a reckless streak in me), but the fact that she is rationally choosing her path, even though it's scary, as one that will expand rather than limit her perspectives makes me incredibly proud of her. It takes courage.