Just Another Case of Verbal Assault

It was a pretty night last night (despite unseasonably high daytime temperatures in the 90s) and I was craving Oreos so I walked to a few gas stations until I found one that was open. The lovely lady inside searched but they were out of Oreos so I settled for Oreo ice cream.

As I walked out, there were three men hanging out on the corner. A couple of them had spoken to me separately when I walked in but I was wearing headphones and was able to ignore the comments. As I walked out, all three of them began. Still wearing headphones, I ignored them again. A car pulled into the parking lot and the man inside asked me if I wanted a ride. I ignored him too and walked home.

My adrenaline was up and I was looking over my shoulder every block or so. When I got home, I sat on the couch until it came down. These were not passive remarks. They were crude, vile comments followed by threats when I didn't respond.

This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. Almost every time I leave the house, there is some commentary and I'm accustomed to interacting with it as appropriate for the situation (an 80-year-old man telling me I have nice gams - actual quote - does not get the same response as a 20-year-old making a similar remark). But alone, at night, walking rather than in the protection of a car (though I have been followed from stoplights in a car so I know that's not as safe as I would hope)...increased risk, increased vigilance. If it had been daylight, if I had a car, if it was one person instead of a group, I might have said something to them. But the area was well-lit, so they would have had to follow me to actually lay a hand, and to do that requires motivation. Engaging might have provided them motivation.

Today I called the store and spoke to a manager. I told her what happened. She apologized profusely and explained the store's policy on loiterers. She said the third shift were new and they might not have been as vigilant about loiterers as they should be. She could quote me police response time, since they call the police if people don't vacate when told to do so. She reassured me they would go over the policies with third shift and make sure they were enforced, continuing to apologize the entire time.

For me, that made a huge difference. Knowing that, if I should come across a problem in the future, I could turn back around, walk into the store, and expect the employees to do something. It's interesting to me that knowing that matters so very much and illustrates how little I expect from a business in response to these sort of incidents. How effective the misogyny in our culture is when the expectation is that, should we be harassed, we're on our own, and if we can't deal with it, that's our failing. We were too weak to fight back, to timid to call it out, in the wrong place at the wrong time, dressed wrong, unarmed...the justification changes to fit the narrative.

This business did good. Circle K on Macon Rd, you did good. Everyone else - do better.