Just Another Case of Verbal Assault

It was a pretty night last night (despite unseasonably high daytime temperatures in the 90s) and I was craving Oreos so I walked to a few gas stations until I found one that was open. The lovely lady inside searched but they were out of Oreos so I settled for Oreo ice cream.

As I walked out, there were three men hanging out on the corner. A couple of them had spoken to me separately when I walked in but I was wearing headphones and was able to ignore the comments. As I walked out, all three of them began. Still wearing headphones, I ignored them again. A car pulled into the parking lot and the man inside asked me if I wanted a ride. I ignored him too and walked home.

My adrenaline was up and I was looking over my shoulder every block or so. When I got home, I sat on the couch until it came down. These were not passive remarks. They were crude, vile comments followed by threats when I didn't respond.

This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. Almost every time I leave the house, there is some commentary and I'm accustomed to interacting with it as appropriate for the situation (an 80-year-old man telling me I have nice gams - actual quote - does not get the same response as a 20-year-old making a similar remark). But alone, at night, walking rather than in the protection of a car (though I have been followed from stoplights in a car so I know that's not as safe as I would hope)...increased risk, increased vigilance. If it had been daylight, if I had a car, if it was one person instead of a group, I might have said something to them. But the area was well-lit, so they would have had to follow me to actually lay a hand, and to do that requires motivation. Engaging might have provided them motivation.

Today I called the store and spoke to a manager. I told her what happened. She apologized profusely and explained the store's policy on loiterers. She said the third shift were new and they might not have been as vigilant about loiterers as they should be. She could quote me police response time, since they call the police if people don't vacate when told to do so. She reassured me they would go over the policies with third shift and make sure they were enforced, continuing to apologize the entire time.

For me, that made a huge difference. Knowing that, if I should come across a problem in the future, I could turn back around, walk into the store, and expect the employees to do something. It's interesting to me that knowing that matters so very much and illustrates how little I expect from a business in response to these sort of incidents. How effective the misogyny in our culture is when the expectation is that, should we be harassed, we're on our own, and if we can't deal with it, that's our failing. We were too weak to fight back, to timid to call it out, in the wrong place at the wrong time, dressed wrong, unarmed...the justification changes to fit the narrative.

This business did good. Circle K on Macon Rd, you did good. Everyone else - do better.

The Value of the 8th Grade Dance

One of the great joys of being married to a teacher is getting to chaperone 8th grade dances. This might sound like chore, but I jump at every opportunity, which usually includes Homecoming (I have no idea why 8th graders have a Homecoming) and a Valentine's Dance. The latter was on Friday.

As I was watching the kids come in, I thought about why I enjoy it so much. This is my third year as a chaperone and I only enjoyit more every time.  Here's what I came up with.

Enthusiasm - These kids are right at the age when they are still excited for things. They aren't too cool yet. They aren't afraid to care...and they care a lot. It's so enjoyable and something that you won't see again until after they pass the hump into secure adulthood, which seems to happen around 30.

Dancing - So unlike when I was in 8th grade, these kids go to a dance to dance. And they are incredible. The DJ knows these kids and he knows what they like. He keeps them excited and engaged. Some of them are really talented and clearly practice and prepare. And some of them are just happy to dance, skills aside. The prevalence of line dancing never fails to amuse me....how many takes on the Electric Slide exist? But it amazing to watch these kids move.

Fashion - One of the great parts of this is watching them arrive. The girls and the guys are decked out. Bow ties have made a huge comeback and the boys rock them and suspenders both, as well as tuxedos of all shades. The girls wear dresses that are flashy, cute, elegant...they run the range. And then there are the kids who show up in jeans and hoodie without any concern for the disparity in fashion. They are there to dance. The biggest double take for me has certainly been the return of 90s fashion, which is a little jarring.

Drama - Hands down the best part of 8th graders is their drama. It's amazing and has nothing to do with me. I watched a girl march her boyfriend all around the room, basically ignoring him as she hung out with her girlfriends. The Proto Plastics group all came with boys but had no time for them as they discusssed Valentine's Court drama. There is always something going on that is hilarious because it matters to them a lot.

Anyway, I love these dances every time and I always look forward to it.