We can all point to things we do and say "I do this for that reason." There's the inevitable moment as a grownup when you realize that you're doing things a certain way because your parents did it that way, which always leads to a moment of "I'm becoming my mother/father!" and often a conversation with said (amused) parent. That's always fun. But you get over it and either accept it or change it, depending on where you are in your life and how appropriate that way of doing things is.
Other things are more subtle. The way someone interacts with the opposite sex is usually a combination of active social shaping (often by parents) and personal experience. If a guy has gotten poor responses for holding doors for women, he might be less likely to do so, though if his parents (and/or society) taught him it was the way men do things, it's related more to his identity than to his relationship with women and he's gonna hold that door.
Just like when we realize we're becoming our parents, there are moments when you make a connection between a part of your personality or behavior and something that influenced it. One of the therapy process for PTSD uses CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a pretty standard cognitive/behavioral process that has to do with actively recognizing your actions, determining the reason for you actions, determining if that is an appropriate response, and making active, conscious decisions to change inappropriate responses. The more extreme the reaction, the harder it can be, but it's shown to be very effective. It's a list of questions that, after awhile, become second nature. "Why am I doing this? Is this an appropriate response? What is a better response?" I run through these questions all day, everyday. It's mentally exhausting, but it allows me to better function in society. I still jump a mile when someone drops a book on the floor in class, but I no longer assess them as a target and take an alert position. Better!
Once the major behavioral issues are dealt with and the patient has the tools to manage themselves, smaller, more subtle things come to light. Tonight, I had a moment in the shower (where a great deal of introspection seems to happen) where I realized that while a lot of my "hardness" - the enjoyment of guns, the casual nature of violent and aggressive speak - is simply residual from the Army and it's environment (and is not behavior that needs active correcting since I recognize socially acceptable situations and abide accordingly), a portion of it, maybe even a lot of it, is laying down warnings. It's "Do not mess with me or I will destroy you" behavior. In a physical situation, I am simply outgunned when facing someone bigger and stronger (which is less people than perhaps it should be for my size, but is still a significant portion of the population). I make up for it with a very clear attitude of "if I have to kill you, I will. Please stay over there, where I don't have to kill you."
In my Psychology of Violence class, we discussed what it takes to kill someone in the context of the military and how it trains. My professor asked us if we could. And I knew, without a hesitation, that I could. With that knowledge comes no value judgement on myself. There were people in class who felt like they could if they were protecting someone (and every mother said she could to protect her children) but they didn't like it about themselves. It doesn't bother me. Could be desensitization to the concept. It could be that I have thought about it a lot more than others. But either way, the knowledge is very clear to me. I don't want to kill anyone (no murders in the making, promise). I don't want to hurt anyone. But I know that the situation could arise where I would.
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